


Midnight Revelations

by nightfuryy



Series: Where Sirius Lives and Harry Finally Has a Family [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Harry Potter, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Nightmares, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Panic Attacks, Post-Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Sharing a Bed, Sirius Black Lives, but not actually a nightmare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:47:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28595712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightfuryy/pseuds/nightfuryy
Summary: Harry wakes after a dream and thinks he may be the freak the Dursleys always told him he was. Sirius and Remus help Harry realize that's not the case.Set post-OotP. Sirius lives and is finally free.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Where Sirius Lives and Harry Finally Has a Family [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117985
Comments: 5
Kudos: 273





	Midnight Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> I definitely wrote this instead of sleeping and doing homework. Apologies for any typos. Enjoy!
> 
> Warnings: graphic depictions of mental breakdowns and throwing up

Harry gasped awake. His eyes shot open but he stayed frozen on his bed. He could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest, half from the dream Harry just experienced and half from the panic it was causing the boy. Nausea started rolling in Harry’s stomach and he felt the familiar pinpricks in the backs of his eyes as tears started to form. It was wrong and gross, his dream, and Harry was broken. Maybe the Dursleys were right. Maybe there really was something freakish about Harry. He could hear the Dursleys spitting out nasty curses if something like Harry’s dream came up on TV and he could see the glares they would cast in public. He was a freak and now Remus and Sirius, his only real family left, were going to think so too. They were going to kick him out and he would have nowhere to go. Harry didn’t think he could live with that.

Suddenly, Harry became aware of how much the nausea had grown in his stomach and he had to launch himself out of bed and practically run to the bathroom so he didn’t get sick all over the ground. Harry barely made it to the bathroom, throwing open the toilet seat just in time for him to lose all of his dinner. He didn’t like this kind of being sick. This kind, the anxiety and panic kind, didn’t make him feel any better when he was done. If it was a stomach bug or bad food, Harry knew he’d feel better as soon as he'd gotten whatever was upsetting his stomach out. Not that Harry liked throwing up in the first place; he’d rather not if he could avoid it. This kind of sick just made him feel even worse when he was done. Harry could feel the tears that had been building up behind his eyes finally start to fall as his stomach continued to force every last bit of food up.

When Harry finally felt like he couldn’t possibly throw up anymore, he decided he wanted to shower. His fuzzy brain coming down from an anxiety attack couldn’t decide whether he wanted it steaming hot or ice cold, though, and his fuzzy brain only barely registered the fact that the door was wide open as he pushed himself to his feet. Harry couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. It was all men in the house anyway. Nothing any of them haven’t seen before and it was whoever decides they want to talk into the bathroom when they could hear the shower running’s fault. Hopefully no one would be up at whatever ungodly time it was anyway.

Once Harry was on his feet, he realized just how shaky he was and prayed he didn’t slip and fall in the shower. He reached in and turned the handle, not really paying attention to what temperature he turned it to. Harry started to strip out of his sweat sticky clothes, then climbed in. The freezing temperature startled a small gasp out of Harry, but he quickly realized hot water would only make him more nauseous. Unfortunately the cold water also shocked him back into alertness. Harry’s faster functioning brain started to kick back into overdrive about the dream he had. About how he had kissed a boy, a seventh year on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. About how he actually enjoyed the kiss and about how he wished that dream would have lasted a little bit longer…

Harry almost fell over as he retched again. Nothing came up, but he couldn’t help as his body dry heaved, trying to deal with the panic that was building up inside of him once more. Harry was a freak. The thought started to set in more and more and Harry let himself collapse into a ball on the shower floor. He let himself start to sob, but he forced himself to stay silent for fear of waking his godfather or the other man he’s come to think of has his other godfather as well. Waking Remus was less of an issue. The werewolf wasn’t a heavy sleeper, but not the lightest sleeper in the world. His body tended to need more rest than most for obvious reasons. But Sirius… Spending years in Azkaban and then more time after that on the run left the animagus a lighter sleeper. Sirius’ time back with his family and finally being a free man meant he started to sleep a little heavier, though. Exhaustion finally was catching up to Sirius and finally feeling safe helped deepen his sleep. Harry would often find his godfather napping on the couch as a human or napping as Snuffles anywhere near Harry or Remus. Still, the man was much easier to wake up than Remus. And if it wasn’t Harry that woke Sirius up it might be a nightmare that had his godfather awake in the middle of the night. If that were the case, Harry didn’t want to give Sirius any reason to be more suspicious of his late night or early morning shower.

A sudden knock on the open door had Harry launching himself to his feet as he let out one of the worst sounds he’s ever made. Had Harry not been crying, he would have only squawked embarrassingly, but that was not the case, so the sound he made was somewhere between a squawk of surprise and a loud sob. It hurt his throat and made him cough, which wasn’t making it any easier to keep his sobbing quiet. Harry almost fell again, too, in the midst of his comotion. The whole ordeal probably only lasted a couple seconds which was much too fast for his tired, panicked brain and shaky limbs on the slippery tile of the shower.

“Harry, are you alright?” Speak of the devil.

“‘M fine,” was Harry’s mumbled response. He did his best to choke back the sobs still trying to escape him, but it was clear Harry failed miserably. His arms wound around his own torso as he hunched his shoulders. Harry could hear small whimpers start to escape his lips against his will.

“Can I come in?” Sirius asked. He didn’t comment on the fact that his godson was clearly not fine.

Harry tried to tell Sirius to give him a minute so he could get out of the shower and get a towel, but he only succeeded in whimpering louder. It was all Harry could do not to start full on bawling. He felt like he was going to be sick again, but there was nothing left his stomach could possibly force up. Another dry heave came instead.

Seconds later, the water was off and Harry was being wrapped in a hug and a towel. He wasn’t sure how he had been standing just moments before because as soon as Sirius’ arms were around him, Harry was relying on the older wizard to hold him up. Harry buried his face into his godfather’s shoulder, trying to hold back the sobs that were still threatening to escape his lips, but he couldn’t anymore. Loud sobs that were almost screams wracked Harry’s body and he let Sirius pull him out onto the bath mat. He couldn’t lose his family. Not again. He had finally found people that loved him and he was going to lose them as soon as they figured out how much of a freak Harry was.

“Shh. You’re okay, Harry,” Sirius tried to calm the boy. “I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re home. It was just a nightmare.” Harry could feel one of Sirius’ hands rubbing soothing circles on his back through the towel. “It was just a nightmare. I’m here.” The animagus was all too familiar with Harry’s various reactions to nightmares to know that that was exactly what caused his breakdown. He had never seen it this bad before, but held Harry and let him cry into his shoulder.

Harry wasn’t aware Remus had woken up from all of the noise and come to join them until he made out Sirius asking someone to bring Harry some clean pajamas. It was quickly followed by a, “Thank you, love.”

When he calmed down enough an indiscernible length of time later, Harry looked to the side to see Remus leaning against the doorframe with a worried look. His vision was blurry, though, so he blinked a few times to get the last of the tears out of his eyes. He turned his head back into Sirius’ shoulder and sniffled a few more times, not ready to break away from the comfort of his godfather’s arms just yet.

“There he is,” Sirius said softly. There was the faintest of smiles on his lips. Harry could tell by his voice. “Are you back with us now?” He nodded into his shoulder. “Do you think you wanna get dressed now?” He nodded again and felt his cheeks heat up as he became more aware of the situation. Harry was thankful he was wrapped in a towel, but he was still embarrassed he had to be pulled out of the shower because he couldn’t function.

He stayed where he was for a few more seconds before slowly pulling away from Sirius, who helped make sure Harry had a grip on his towel and could stand on his own. Satisfied, he placed a quick kiss to the top of Harry’s head before stepping away.

“Get dressed,” Sirius said. “Come find us when you’re done. We’ll be in our room.” Sirius waited for Harry to nod before offering a loving smile that reached his eyes and turning to leave the bathroom. He grabbed Remus’ hand and led them away so Harry could get dressed in peace. The werewolf offered Harry the same love more so through his eyes and a smaller smile and closed the door behind him as they left.

Once Harry was done getting dressed, he slowly made his way toward the room that had _Sirius Black_ written in ornate letters on the door. Despite what the name said, it also belonged to one Remus Lupin as well. At first, Harry wasn’t quite sure why the two men shared a room when there were plenty of other bedrooms in Grimmauld Place, but he eventually came to the conclusion that it was probably a matter of emotional comfort. He knew just how much having someone he trusted near him could help ward off nightmares and any other unwanted feeling that came knocking when it was time to sleep. Many times since Harry’s started living with Sirius and Remus has one of them ended up staying with him in his room for the night after a particularly nasty nightmare. Most of the time it was Sirius, but sometimes it was Remus, too.

Harry didn’t realize how lost in thought he had been until he realized he was at the door with no real recollection of the short walk there. The door was left ajar and there was a faint light coming from the slim opening of the door like a lamp was the only source of light inside. He could hear murmuring voices inside.

“Sirius?” Harry asked, mostly to announce his presence, as he pushed the door open. He slipped inside and closed it all the way behind him. His limbs suddenly felt like jello again and he felt the nausea returning. Looking at his family again made him remember his earlier panic again. They’re going to think he was a freak. He can’t lose them. Harry did his best to shove the feeling away. He started to sing a song in his head to keep his mind from wandering as he forced himself to walk over to the bed.

Sirius smiled when he saw Harry from where he lay with his head rested on Remus’ chest. The werewolf had an arm wrapped around the animagus, but he let him go when Sirius moved to get out of the bed. Sirius must have noticed Harry’s mood change because his smile suddenly turned into a concerned frown. He walked over to Harry and pulled him into a tight hug, tucking the younger wizard’s head under his chin. They stayed like that for a few moments before Sirius broke the silence.

“C’mon,” he said softly. “In the bed. You’re staying with us tonight.” Although it didn’t sound like much of a question, Sirius pulled away and held Harry by the shoulders at arms length, looking him in the eyes to make sure that was okay with him.

“Okay,” Harry mumbled and let his godfather guide him over to the bed with an arm on his shoulder. Harry had never stayed in their room after a nightmare before. He climbed into the bed when Sirius gave him a light nudge on the shoulder and settled right in the middle next to Remus. Harry grabbed one of Sirius’ pillows and pulled it under his head. He couldn’t help but run his hands over the dark sheets, feeling how silky they were. How very Sirius.

“I’m going to get an extra pillow and some water,” Sirius said. He looked at both of the boys he loved so much before exiting the room in search of a pillow. The amount of adoration and warmth Sirius managed to put into every looked he gave Harry (and Remus, too) was almost enough to make Harry cry.

It was silent for several moments after Sirius left. Harry was on his side, facing away from Remus, but eventually turned over and curled up into his parental figure’s chest. Remus wrapped an arm around the boy to hold him close.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus almost whispered. He rubbed his hand up and down Harry’s back, trying to encourage him to talk, but in no way forcing him to, either.

Harry shook his head almost violently. At first, the thought of talking about it made him want to throw up again and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He could tell he was starting to hyperventilate.

“Breathe, Harry. Slow and deep with me. There you go,” Remus encouraged. “I’m not going to make you talk about anything you don’t want to.”

Nodding shortly, Harry let the werewolf help him relax again. As he calmed back down, he had a moment of rationality and thought that he could maybe test the waters a little bit. If the Dursleys thought it was bad, maybe, just maybe, it was in fact quite acceptable to the rest of the world. Or at least the wizarding world. Maybe. And if anyone were to understand it the most, Harry figured it’d be Remus. He was one of the most kind and understanding people Harry knew and he thought that maybe his furry little problem would allow him to be open minded. Harry thought about how to bring it up, but he knew he had to think quickly if he wanted to do this before Sirius came back.

“Moony?”

“Hm?” He continued to rub his hand up and down Harry’s back. Harry used that to ground himself.

“What… What would you think if-if you saw two guys—” he had to suck a deep breath in “—If you saw two guys kissing?”

Remus was quiet for a moment, almost like he was surprised at Harry’s question, but the boy didn’t dare look up to try to gauge the werewolf’s reaction. But right as Harry was starting to feel like he was going to pass out, he answered, “I think I’d be happy that they’re comfortable and feel safe enough to show their love in public. The wizarding world may be way more accepting than the muggle world, but there’s still so much hate out there.”

Harry still felt like he was going to pass out, but for a different reason. And he felt like he was going to cry, but also for a different reason than before. He didn’t want to get his hopes up quite yet, thought.

“So it’s normal? Being gay is normal?” he questioned. “What does Sirius think of it all?”

“Of course it’s normal!” Remus said louder, but still on the quiet side. “And I think Padfoot thinks it's all pretty great considering he’s a raging homosexual. What are you on about Harry?” He could hear the concern lacing Remus’ voice at his last question.

If Harry had been drinking something, he would have sprayed it everywhere and promptly started choking. “Sirius is gay?!” he almost yelled and pulled back from Remus to look at him. “No one thought to tell me this?!” Harry sat up and crossed his legs.

“I’m sorry. We all thought you knew,” Remus apologized. He propped himself up on one elbow so he was slightly closer to eye level with Harry than he would be if he was just laying down. “I think it’d be a little weird if we were married and Sirius wasn’t attracted to men.”

“You’re married?!” Harry stared at him.

“Yes…” he replied slowly. Then, Harry watched fear flash across Remus’ face, although it was well hidden. “You don’t have a problem with that, do you?”

“No! Of course not!” Harry said with wide eyes. “I’m just a little surprised. But I’m also happy… and a little bit relieved,” he admitted. He briefly caught the confusion crossing Remus’ features again before he looked away. He knew Remus knew there was something he wasn’t saying, but he didn’t want to face that just yet. Harry started to lay down against instead. He settled himself against Remus once more who gladly pulled him close and resumed rubbing his hand against Harry’s back. How did Harry not notice? They both wore wedding bands for Merlin’s sake. Remus’ was simple and silver colored, not actual silver, but Harry remembered it on the werewolf’s hand back when he had been his teacher. Harry assumed… Harry wasn’t sure what he assumed, but he never thought it was for Sirius. As for his godfather, he wore all sorts of rings all the time. But now that Harry thought about it, the shiny dark gray ring with an inlay that looked almost like the surface of the moon was always on Sirius’ left ring finger.

“The Dursleys thought that being gay was bad. They thought that it was foul and freakish,” Harry broke the silence again. “I guess they tend to think that about a lot of things they don’t have any business thinking about, though.”

Remus hummed in agreement. “You know Sirius punched Vernon in the face once for insulting us at your parents’ wedding. We were only holding hands you know…” Harry could hear the sadness creeping into Remus’ voice and it fell silent again for a couple more moments before Harry asked another question.

“You can- You can like both girls and guys, right? Bisexual, right?” Harry asked quietly. “That’s okay?” He was starting to get worked up over the question and he started to shift anxiously.

“Being bi is very much okay, Harry,” Remus soothed him.

“Are you… you know… gay? Or are you bi? Or are there other options, too?”

“I’m gay,” he answered. “There are other options.”

“There are many other options, Prongslet,” came Sirius’ voice from the doorway. It made Harry jump. Sirius seemed to be pretty good at startling Harry from doorways that night. He wasn’t sure how long Sirius had been there. It had obviously been at least a minute because the animagus was leaning against the frame as if he was settled in to listen, but Harry decided it didn’t matter enough to ask how long he’d been there. “We can explain them to you another day. Maybe tomorrow. Does that sound good?”

Harry nodded and watched as Sirius walked back to the bed with one of the pillows from Harry’s bed. He tossed it at the boy who let it land on him before tucking it under his head and giving Sirius his pillows back. Sirius laid down under the covers and pulled both Harry and Remus close to him.

“In my nightmare… Well maybe dream… Good dream? I kissed a boy,” Harry admitted quietly. He stretched out so he was laying mostly on his stomach and facing Sirius. Remus kept an arm snug around him and Sirius kept his arm right around both Harry and Remus. “And-and I was scared because I kinda liked it, but I was always told that people like that were freaks. I thought you guys were going to hate me if you found out.” He couldn’t help the slight quiver in his voice, but he held back the tears that wanted so desperately to fall. “I didn’t want to lose you… I don’t really remember my dad, but you guys are the best dads I remember having.” Harry took a deep, albeit shaky, breath before finishing his small speech with, “I think I’m bi. I think I still like girls maybe, but I know I definitely like boys.”

“Good choice on the boys, Prongslet,” Sirius smiled. “Moony and I love you so much and it means a lot that you trust us enough to tell us that. It’s a hard thing to do, telling your family something that some kids get kicked out for.” Sirius tightened his arm around them, squeezing them all impossibly closer. “It’s time to go to bed now, though. You’ve had a rough night. We’ll be here when you wake up.”

Harry hummed as his eyes slowly drifted close. The last thing he remembered was mumbling, “Love you Padfoot. Love you Moony,” before he fell asleep.


End file.
